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English as the Official Language of Europe

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has been accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “Ç”. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. 还, the hard “Ç” will be replaced with “以”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 persent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 还, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “和”s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” 由 “z” 和 “w” 由 “v”. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “0” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas…

A Crazy Language

This crazy language, 英语, is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven humans can speak it. More than half of the world’s books and three quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages, it has the largest vocabulary perhaps as many as two MILLION words. 不过, 让我们面对现实吧, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn’t preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who are spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (哪, 当然, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

[Unknown source]

臭气熏天的电子邮件 — 入门

电子邮件已经彻底改变了过去十年的企业通信. 大部分的影响是正面的. 从大老板到所有@ yourcompany电子邮件, 例如, 是一个公平的替代通用通信大会. 在小团队, 电子邮件往往可以节省会议并提高生产力.

相较于其他交流方式 (电话, 语音邮件等。), 电子邮件有许多特点,使得它特别适合于企业通信. 它给发件人距离适量从收件人感到安全键盘背后. 发件人得到足够的时间来打磨的语言和表达. 他发送电子邮件多个收件人一次的选择. 这些特征的净效果是,一个常胆小灵魂可能成为一项艰巨的电子邮件的人物.

一个常侵略性的灵魂, 另一方面, 可能成为所谓的stinkers一个讨厌发件人. Stinkers是旨在造成羞辱电子邮件.

鉴于电子邮件通信的重要性,这些天, 你会发现自己被诱惑的stinkers黑暗诱惑. 如果你这样做, 这里是掌握制作一个臭鬼艺术的第一步. 关键是要建立一个圣洁高于你的态度,承担了道德制高点. 例如, 假设你是打乱了球队为他们偷工减料, 并希望强调这一事实,给他们 (和几个关键人物的组织, 当然). 新手可能会受到诱惑,喜欢写东西, “您和您的团队不知道蹲下。” 抵制诱惑, 并认为新秀电子邮件. 更令人满意的是,组成它作为, “我会很乐意坐下来与你和你的团队,分享我们的专业知识。” 这个狡猾组成,无形中也展示了您卓越的知识.

电子邮件可以更加微妙. 例如, 你可以甜蜜地辅导你的老板就有些问题,因为, “在奔波中不会点哪里天使不敢涉足,” 并有秘密的快乐,你设法叫他傻瓜脸上!

计数器stinkers是双重甜蜜. 虽然从事的电子邮件对决, 你最希望的是发现一个事实不准确的臭鬼. 虽然你的荣誉,势必对臭鬼响应, 沉默,也可以有效的应对. 它发出了一个信号,你要么找到了臭鬼太不重要回应, 或, 更坏, 你不小心删除了它看完.

当心臭鬼陷阱. 您可能会收到一封电子邮件,邀请您一起在一个问题一个慷慨的提议,以帮助. 说你愿者上钩并请求帮助. 接下来的电子邮件 (复制到几乎每个人都在地球上) 可以读取类似, “如果你不屑于阅读以前的消息,” (指的是一个电子邮件发送十天前到 17 其他两个电子邮件组) “你会知道,…” 注意是多么容易暗示你不知道你都应该, 那你是在忽略重要信息的习惯.

我们对臭鬼陷阱没有确定的防御比知道发件人其他. 如果发件人是著名的臭鬼开心处置, 对待他所有的甜蜜姿态与猜疑. 这是不可能的,他有心脏的变化,决定民法对待你. 更可能的是,他是设置您的东西,他会享受,而超过你!

在一天结束时, 不要过于担心stinkers如果你发现自己在接收端. 保持笑容在你的脸上,并承认stinkers它们是什么 — 自我之旅.

如果你喜欢这个职位, 我相信你也会喜欢:

  1. 在办公室生存指南
  2. 拉精致

Trick Question

Here’s an IQ question to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day…

A person who can’t speak wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper, and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first. Don’t give up too soon, or you will regret it!

Want to see the answer?