Pointlessness,en

When my mother gave birth to me, it was a touch-and-go sitiuation. I was created with an abnormally huge head, which I would like to insist is filled with a brain the size of a small planet. Whether because of the head or some other medical reason, my mother had to undergo an emergency c-section. Onthou, this was more than half a century ago in a remote hill station near Munnar in Kerala.

Die dokter het probeer om my uit te trek met tang,,en,maar dit het nie gewerk nie,,en,Klaarblyklik het hy taamlik hard probeer en my kop en kake was redelik opgeblaas,,en,Die prioriteit was,,en,soos dit moes gewees het,,en,om my ma se lewe te red,,en,Wanneer die tangse misluk het,,en,die dokter het my chirurgies verwyder,,en,het die bloedvloei bevind,,en,die insnyding vasgemaak,,en,en het haar wonderbaarlik gered,,en,In wat moes bietjie meer gewees het as 'n dorpskliniek,,en,Die dokter het akuut 'n soortgelyke mediese mircale gehad,,en,Maar die mircale is nog nie by die dokter gedoen nie,,en,Onder die weggooide stapel mediese afval,,en,Hy het opgemerk dat ek sukkel om lewendig te bly,,en,en dadelik het my ook verlos,,en,Goeie ding ook,,en,anders sou jy nie hierdie storie kon lees nie,,en,Ek het geblyk 'n vet en oulike baba te wees,,en, but it didn’t work. Apparently he tried quite hard and my head and jaws were pretty messed up. The priority was, as it should have been, to save my mother’s life. When the forceps failed, the doc surgically removed me, stemmed the blood flow, sewed up the incision, and miraculously saved her. In what must have been little more than a village clinic, the doctor acutally performed something akin to a medical mircale.

But the mircale wasn’t done with the doctor yet. Among the discarded pile of medical waste, he noticed me struggling to stay alive, and promptly proceeded to save me as well. Good thing too, otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to read this story. I turned out to be a chubby and cute baby, alhoewel met 'n abnormaal en komies groot kraan,,en,Jare later,,en,my ma het my vertel hoe my pa ingekom het om haar te vertel dat hulle 'n gesonde en pragtige baba seuntjie gehad het,,en,en hoe sy geweet het dat hy moes lieg om haar geeste op te hou,,en,Sy het gedink ek moes dood wees weens die mediese probleme,,en,En selfs al lewe,,en,Ek moes 'n meisie wees omdat 'n astroloog haar so vertel het,,en,Ek het 'n ongelooflike poging gehad om lang kans te wen, reg vanaf die oomblik dat ek gebore is,,en,Terugkyk na die boog van my lewe,,en,wat vir altyd opgedaag het,,en,Ek kan sien dat elke opwaartse tikkie daarin voorafgegaan is deur 'n trauma of pyn van een of ander aard,,en,Jy sou dink dat hierdie vermoë van my om elke rou-ooreenkoms tot iets positiefs vir myself te maak, 'n goeie ding is,,en. Years later, my mom told me how my dad had come in to tell her that they had had a healthy and beautiful baby boy, and how she had known that he had to be lying to keep her spirits up. She thought I had to be dead because of the medical difficulties. And even if alive, I had to be a girl because an astrologer had told her so. Ja, I did have an uncanny knack of beating long odds starting right from the moment I was born.

Looking back at the arc of my life, which has forever been pointing up, I can see that every upward tick in it was preceded by a trauma or pain of some sort. You would think that this ability of mine to turn every raw deal into something positive for myself is a good thing, iets om trots te wees,,en,Maar dit is nie,,en,dit laat my meer leeg voel,,en,Dit beklemtoon die nutteloosheid van dit alles,,en,en op een of ander manier dien die pyn in teenstelling,,en,Daar word nie ontken nie,,en,Die laaste paar jaar was hard,,en,soos 'n ondankbare apostroof na die lewenslustigheid van die lewe,,en,Soos hierdie fuzzy kenmerke op my groot kop,,en,vervaag en gevlek deur die verwoesting van die tyd,,en,My gedagtes en gees sal ook in die moeilikheid van hierdie jare wees,,en,Ek glimlag baie minder,,en,Nogal 'n prestasie vir iemand wat kortliks die bynaam el-smilo gehou het,,en,Ek onthou dat ek hierdie plakkaat in 'n meisie se slaapsaal gesien het, 'n lang tyd gelede wat gelees het,,en,Ons teleurstellings is God se aanstellings,,en,wat 'n goeie manier kan wees vir diegene wat in 'n god glo om dit te hanteer,,en,Vir diegene van ons wat nie,,en. But it is not. For some reason, it leaves me feeling more empty. It underscores the pointlessness of it all, and somehow serves to magnify the pain by contrast.

There’s no denying it — the last couple of years have been harsh, like a thankless apostrophe to life’s pointlessness. Like these fuzzy features on my large head, blurred and mottled by the ravages of time, my mind and spirit also wilt in the harshness of these years. I smile a lot less — quite a feat for someone who briefly held the nickname el-smilo.

I remember seeing this poster in a girl’s dorm room a long time ago that read, “Our disappointments are God’s appointments,” which may be a good way for those who believe in a god to handle it. For those of us who don’t, goed, ons vorm gewoontes en vind patrone om die gebreekte stukke te reël,,en,sodoende 'n gevoel van normaal en kontinuïteit skep,,en,Uiteindelik al,,en,Die patrone wat ons mens maak, gee ons ook die sin of illusie van doel,,en,Met 'n nuwe patroon gesmee en 'n doel vervaardig,,en,en sodoende weer 'n oorwinning daaruit maak deur my supermag te gebruik,,en,Ek sien moeg uit,,en,het die lewe nog 'n ruwe ooreenkoms vir my,,en,Ek is seker dit doen,,en,bring dit aan,,en, thereby creating a sense of normalcy and continuity.

Ultimately though, the patterns that make us human also give us the sense or illusion of purpose. Having forged a new pattern and manufactured a purpose, thereby making another victory of it again using my superpower, I wearily look forward – does life have another raw deal in store for me? I’m sure it does. Wel, bring it on…!

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