ہر کوئی ہمیشہ کے لئے نوجوان ہونا چاہتا ہے. کورس, کوئی بھی اس جدوجہد میں کامیاب ہونے جا رہا ہے. تم بوڑھے ہو جائے گا. آپ کے لئے امید کر سکتے ہیں اگلے سب سے اچھی بات نوجوان نظر ہے. آپ کو کافی رقم ہے تو, facelifts طرح چالوں, BOTOX, پیٹ tucks کے, وغیرہ کی مدد کر سکتے بال ایمپلانٹس. ایک بجٹ پر ان بالوں کے رنگ اور اس طرح کے تاخیری حربے کے ساتھ اپنے مواد پر پڑے گا جم کی رکنیت وقت کے ravages کے خلاف ان کی جنگ میں. یہ بھی برا نہیں ہے; میں اس زمرے میں ہوں اور میں نے تقریبا پانچ سال سے بچنے کے لئے منظم کیا ہے لگتا ہے.
What do you do when all your efforts fail? ٹھیک ہے, then you have to cheat, کورس. یہاں ہے کہ کس طرح. You have to act young. The devil is in the details, آپ کو دیکھ کر. ٹھیک ہے, may be you don’t see too well, which is one of the problems of old age. In order to get the aging muscles in your corneas to squeeze down on your hardening lenses, you squint, and then you hold the piece of paper you are trying to read farther and farther away. اور آخر میں, the day comes when your hand is just not long enough, and you go and get your reading glasses. اب, when you see a youngish-looking fellow holding his smart phone at arm’s length, you know that appearances can be deceptive.
Here is my advice — when that young friend of yours hands over his or her hand phone with their vacation photos, hold the phone at the normal, optimal distance of about a foot from your eyes and make appropriate noises like “Wow!” “That’s amazing!” etc. Just remember to keep your comments non-committal — “Wow!” almost always works. کورس, you won’t be able to see anything, but what are you missing, واقعی? If you do want to see the pictures of people jumping off cliffs and stuff, ask them to email them to you. In the privacy of your home, you can don your microscopes (reading glasses, میرے کہنے کا مطلب) and take a good look.
This trick may not always work, when they show you a text message, مثال کے طور پر, for you to read and enjoy. (I actually wanted to write “peruse and be enthralled” for comic effect, but then I remembered that people have accused me being pretentious.) The trick in such a situation is to do a double-bluff — say something like, “Could you read it for me? These old eyes are not what they used to be.” And then give a wink or a sly smile to indicate that you are only kidding. راہ کی طرف سے, this trick also works in a corporate setting when your job involves, اچھی طرح سے, nothing. I had a colleague at the bank. At director-level on the more lucrative side of banking, I knew that he commanded a handsome compensation package. So I asked him over lunch one day what exactly he did. انہوں نے کہا کہ, “کچھ بھی نہیں, absolutely nothing!” میں نے کہا, “نہیں, seriously.” He insisted, “سنجیدگی سے, nothing!” You know what? I actually believe him. لیکن پھر, he was recently promoted to be the managing director of nothingness with a generous hike, I heard. Another buddy of mine, CEO of a start-up, when asked the same question about his daily activities at work, replied, “تم جانتے ہو, sweeping, cleaning..!” I don’t know what to believe. But I do believe this — one of the most effective ways of lying is to stick to the outrageous truth with a twist.
Back to our theme, blurry vision is only one of the nasty features of us attaining wisdom. Another one is joint aches and a general lack of springiness in our movements, especially after a hard session of tennis or badminton. ٹھیک ہے, my advice is to either learn to smile through the pain and simulate springiness. یا, exaggerate and simulate a sprain or something, which is usually a young affliction. (Broken hips and knee problems are old afflictions though.)
One thing to keep in mind, تاہم, is that this obsession with aging and how to fight it is a sure sign of aging. So this blog post is probably not helping my quest for eternal youth. اس کے ساتھ, I shall forever hold my peace on this subject.