分类存档: 企业生活

迪尔伯特式的想法

辛勤工作

One argument for big bonuses is that the executives work hard for it and earn it fair and square. It is true that some of these executives spend enormous amount of time (up to 10 至 14 hours a day, according the AIG executive under the spotlight here). 但, do long hours and hard work automatically make us “those who deserve the best in life,” as Tracy Chapman puts it?

I have met taxi drivers in Singapore who ply the streets hour after owl-shift hour before they can break even. Apparently the rentals the cabbies have to pay are quite high, and they end up working consistently longer than most executives. Farther beyond our moral horizon, human slum dogs forage garbage dumps for scraps they can eat or sell. Back-breaking labour, I imagine. Long hours, terrible working conditions, and hard-hard work — but no bonus.

It looks to me as though hard work has very little correlation with what one is entitled to. We have to look elsewhere to find justifications to what we consider our due.

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老鼠和人的奖金计划

Our best-laid plans often go awry. We see it all the time at a personal level — accidents (both good and bad), deaths (both of loved ones and rich uncles), births, and lotteries all conspire to reshuffle our priorities and render our plans null and void. 事实上, there is nothing like a solid misfortune to get us to put things in perspective. This opportunity may be the proverbial silver lining we are constantly advised to see. What is true at a personal level holds true also at a larger scale. The industry-wide financial meltdown has imparted a philosophical clarity to our profession — a clarity that we might have been too busy to notice, but for the dire straits we are in right now.

This philosophical clarity inspires analyses (and columns, 当然) that are at times self-serving and at times soul-searching. We now worry about the moral rectitude behind the insane bonus expectations of yesteryears, 例如. The case in point is Jake DeSantis, the AIG executive vice president who resigned rather publicly on the New York Times, and donated his relatively modest bonus of a million dollars to charity. The reasons behind the resignation are interesting, and fodder to this series of posts.

Before I go any further, let me state it outright. I am going to try to shred his arguments the best I can. I am sure I would have sung a totally different tune if they had given me a million dollar bonus. Or if anybody had the temerity to suggest that I part with my own bonus, paltry as it may seem in comparison. I will keep that possibility beyond the scope of this column, ignoring the moral inconsistency others might maliciously perceive therein. I will talk only about other people’s bonuses. 毕竟, we are best in dealing with other people’s money. And it is always easier to risk and sacrifice something that doesn’t belong to us.

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How Much is Your Time Worth?

I recently got a crazy idea. Suppose I tell you, “I will give you a ten-million-dollar job for a month. But I will have to kill you in two months.” 当然, you will have to know that I am serious. Let’s say I am an eccentric billionaire. Will you take the ten million dollars?

I am certain that most people will not take this job offer. 事实上, there is a movie with Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando (IMDb tells me that it is The Brave) where Depp’s character actually takes up such an offer. Twenty-five thousand, 我相信, was the price that he agreed upon for the rest of his life. For some of us, the price may be higher, but it is possible that there is a price that we will agree upon.

对我来说,, my price is infinite — I wouldn’t trade the rest of my life for any amount of money. What does it help me to have all the money in the world if I don’t have the time to spend it? 但, this stance of mine is neither consistent with what I do, nor fully devoid of hypocrisy. Hardly anything in real life is. If we say we won’t trade time for money, then how come we happily sell our time to our employers? Is it just that we don’t appreciate what we are doing? Or that our time is limited?

I guess the trade off between time and money is not straight forward. It is not a linear scale. If we have no money, then our time is worth nothing. We are willing to sell it for almost nothing. The reason is clear — it takes money to keep body and soul together. Without a bare minimum of money, there indeed is no time left to sell. As we make a bit of money, a bit more than the bare minimum, we begin to value time more. But as we make more money, we realize that we can make even more by selling more time, because the time is worth more now! This implicit vicious circle may be what is driving this crazy rat race that we see all around us.

Selling time is an interesting concept. We clearly do sell our time to those who pay us. Employees sell time to their employers. Entrepreneurs sell their time to the customers, and in deploying their businesses. But there is a fundamental difference between these two modes of selling. While employees sell their time once, businessmen sell their time multiple times. So do authors and actors. They spend a certain amount of time doing whatever they do, but the products they create (book, business, 电影, Windows XP中, songs etc.) are sold over and over again. That is why they can make their millions and billions while those who work for somebody else find it is very difficult to get really rich.

臭气熏天的电子邮件 — 入门

电子邮件已经彻底改变了过去十年的企业通信. 大部分的影响是正面的. 从大老板到所有@ yourcompany电子邮件, 例如, 是一个公平的替代通用通信大会. 在小团队, 电子邮件往往可以节省会议并提高生产力.

相较于其他交流方式 (电话, 语音邮件等。), 电子邮件有许多特点,使得它特别适合于企业通信. 它给发件人距离适量从收件人感到安全键盘背后. 发件人得到足够的时间来打磨的语言和表达. 他发送电子邮件多个收件人一次的选择. 这些特征的净效果是,一个常胆小灵魂可能成为一项艰巨的电子邮件的人物.

一个常侵略性的灵魂, 另一方面, 可能成为所谓的stinkers一个讨厌发件人. Stinkers是旨在造成羞辱电子邮件.

鉴于电子邮件通信的重要性,这些天, 你会发现自己被诱惑的stinkers黑暗诱惑. 如果你这样做, 这里是掌握制作一个臭鬼艺术的第一步. 关键是要建立一个圣洁高于你的态度,承担了道德制高点. 例如, 假设你是打乱了球队为他们偷工减料, 并希望强调这一事实,给他们 (和几个关键人物的组织, 当然). 新手可能会受到诱惑,喜欢写东西, “您和您的团队不知道蹲下。” 抵制诱惑, 并认为新秀电子邮件. 更令人满意的是,组成它作为, “我会很乐意坐下来与你和你的团队,分享我们的专业知识。” 这个狡猾组成,无形中也展示了您卓越的知识.

电子邮件可以更加微妙. 例如, 你可以甜蜜地辅导你的老板就有些问题,因为, “在奔波中不会点哪里天使不敢涉足,” 并有秘密的快乐,你设法叫他傻瓜脸上!

计数器stinkers是双重甜蜜. 虽然从事的电子邮件对决, 你最希望的是发现一个事实不准确的臭鬼. 虽然你的荣誉,势必对臭鬼响应, 沉默,也可以有效的应对. 它发出了一个信号,你要么找到了臭鬼太不重要回应, 或, 更坏, 你不小心删除了它看完.

当心臭鬼陷阱. 您可能会收到一封电子邮件,邀请您一起在一个问题一个慷慨的提议,以帮助. 说你愿者上钩并请求帮助. 接下来的电子邮件 (复制到几乎每个人都在地球上) 可以读取类似, “如果你不屑于阅读以前的消息,” (指的是一个电子邮件发送十天前到 17 其他两个电子邮件组) “你会知道,…” 注意是多么容易暗示你不知道你都应该, 那你是在忽略重要信息的习惯.

我们对臭鬼陷阱没有确定的防御比知道发件人其他. 如果发件人是著名的臭鬼开心处置, 对待他所有的甜蜜姿态与猜疑. 这是不可能的,他有心脏的变化,决定民法对待你. 更可能的是,他是设置您的东西,他会享受,而超过你!

在一天结束时, 不要过于担心stinkers如果你发现自己在接收端. 保持笑容在你的脸上,并承认stinkers它们是什么 — 自我之旅.

如果你喜欢这个职位, 我相信你也会喜欢:

  1. 在办公室生存指南
  2. 拉精致

Geeks

I have been doing a bit of geeky stuff lately — writing WordPress plugins. Okay, it is because I’m suffering from a terrible writer’s block.

You see, I’m supposed to be working on my next book. I foolishly promised a couple of chapters of The Principles of Quantitative Development to my commissioning editor at John Wiley & Sons within a month; now I find myself writing everything other than those darned chapters! Including plugins. Coming to think of it, writing those chapters wouldn’t be any less geeky, would it?

That made me wonder… We all started off as geeks, didn’t we? No use denying it. Remember how our teachers loved us, and the sexy cheerleaders, well, didn’t? Later in life, due to exigencies of circumstances, we may have tried to lose our techie halo and simulate a managerial posture. But, in our moments of panic, we go back to our geek roots. At least, I do.

You think you don’t? Well, check out these geek jokes. If you find them funny, chances are your roots are not too different from mine.

Heisenberg was driving down the highway when he was pulled over for speeding. The officer says, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I do know where I am!”

Two Hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron!” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

Geek Pickup Lines:

  • Tell me of this thing you humans call [dramatic pause] love.
  • If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
  • They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.
  • Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
  • What’s a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villainy like this?
  • You must be Windows 95 because you got me so unstable.
  • My ‘up-time’ is better than BSD.
  • I can tell by your emoticons that you’re looking for some company.
  • Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
  • Want to see my Red Hat?
  • If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
  • You had me at “Hello World.”
  • Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
  • You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
  • By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
  • Jedi Mind Trick: “This is the geek you’re looking for.” [Waves hand]
  • You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
  • Have you ever Googled yourself?
  • How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
  • With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
  • What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this when there’s a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
  • I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z are represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

and B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

but look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.