Archivo de la categoría: Vida Corporativa

Pensamientos Dilbert-como

Trabajo duro

One argument for big bonuses is that the executives work hard for it and earn it fair and square. It is true that some of these executives spend enormous amount of time (up to 10 a 14 hours a day, according the AIG executive under the spotlight here). Pero, do long hours and hard work automatically make us “those who deserve the best in life,” as Tracy Chapman puts it?

I have met taxi drivers in Singapore who ply the streets hour after owl-shift hour before they can break even. Apparently the rentals the cabbies have to pay are quite high, and they end up working consistently longer than most executives. Farther beyond our moral horizon, human slum dogs forage garbage dumps for scraps they can eat or sell. Back-breaking labour, I imagine. Long hours, terrible working conditions, and hard-hard work — but no bonus.

It looks to me as though hard work has very little correlation with what one is entitled to. We have to look elsewhere to find justifications to what we consider our due.

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Planes de bonificación de ratones y hombres

Our best-laid plans often go awry. We see it all the time at a personal level — accidents (both good and bad), deaths (both of loved ones and rich uncles), births, and lotteries all conspire to reshuffle our priorities and render our plans null and void. De hecho, there is nothing like a solid misfortune to get us to put things in perspective. This opportunity may be the proverbial silver lining we are constantly advised to see. What is true at a personal level holds true also at a larger scale. The industry-wide financial meltdown has imparted a philosophical clarity to our profession — a clarity that we might have been too busy to notice, but for the dire straits we are in right now.

This philosophical clarity inspires analyses (and columns, por supuesto) that are at times self-serving and at times soul-searching. We now worry about the moral rectitude behind the insane bonus expectations of yesteryears, por ejemplo. The case in point is Jake DeSantis, the AIG executive vice president who resigned rather publicly on the New York Times, and donated his relatively modest bonus of a million dollars to charity. The reasons behind the resignation are interesting, and fodder to this series of posts.

Before I go any further, let me state it outright. I am going to try to shred his arguments the best I can. I am sure I would have sung a totally different tune if they had given me a million dollar bonus. Or if anybody had the temerity to suggest that I part with my own bonus, paltry as it may seem in comparison. I will keep that possibility beyond the scope of this column, ignoring the moral inconsistency others might maliciously perceive therein. I will talk only about other people’s bonuses. Después de todo, we are best in dealing with other people’s money. And it is always easier to risk and sacrifice something that doesn’t belong to us.

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How Much is Your Time Worth?

I recently got a crazy idea. Suppose I tell you, “I will give you a ten-million-dollar job for a month. But I will have to kill you in two months.” Por supuesto, you will have to know that I am serious. Let’s say I am an eccentric billionaire. Will you take the ten million dollars?

I am certain that most people will not take this job offer. De hecho, there is a movie with Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando (IMDb tells me that it is The Brave) where Depp’s character actually takes up such an offer. Twenty-five thousand, Yo creo, was the price that he agreed upon for the rest of his life. For some of us, the price may be higher, but it is possible that there is a price that we will agree upon.

A mí, my price is infinite — I wouldn’t trade the rest of my life for any amount of money. What does it help me to have all the money in the world if I don’t have the time to spend it? Pero, this stance of mine is neither consistent with what I do, nor fully devoid of hypocrisy. Hardly anything in real life is. If we say we won’t trade time for money, then how come we happily sell our time to our employers? Is it just that we don’t appreciate what we are doing? Or that our time is limited?

I guess the trade off between time and money is not straight forward. It is not a linear scale. If we have no money, then our time is worth nothing. We are willing to sell it for almost nothing. The reason is clear — it takes money to keep body and soul together. Without a bare minimum of money, there indeed is no time left to sell. As we make a bit of money, a bit more than the bare minimum, we begin to value time more. But as we make more money, we realize that we can make even more by selling more time, because the time is worth more now! This implicit vicious circle may be what is driving this crazy rat race that we see all around us.

Selling time is an interesting concept. We clearly do sell our time to those who pay us. Employees sell time to their employers. Entrepreneurs sell their time to the customers, and in deploying their businesses. But there is a fundamental difference between these two modes of selling. While employees sell their time once, businessmen sell their time multiple times. So do authors and actors. They spend a certain amount of time doing whatever they do, but the products they create (book, business, cine, Windows XP, songs etc.) are sold over and over again. That is why they can make their millions and billions while those who work for somebody else find it is very difficult to get really rich.

Emails cosa maloliente — Ejemplo A

El correo electrónico ha revolucionado la comunicación corporativa en la última década. La mayor parte de su impacto ha sido positivo. Un correo electrónico del gran jefe a todos @ yourcompany, por ejemplo, es un buen sustituto para una reunión general de comunicación. En equipos más pequeños, correo electrónico a menudo ahorra reuniones y aumenta la productividad.

En comparación con otros modos de comunicación (teléfono, correo de voz, etc), correo electrónico tiene una serie de características que lo hacen especialmente adecuado para la comunicación corporativa. Le da al emisor la cantidad justa de distancia del receptor para sentirse seguros detrás del teclado. El remitente recibe suficiente tiempo para pulir el lenguaje y presentación. Él tiene la opción de enviar por correo electrónico los varios destinatarios a la vez. El efecto neto de estas características es que un alma normalmente tímida puede convertirse en un personaje de correo electrónico formidable.

Un alma normalmente agresivo, Por otra parte, puede convertirse en un emisor desagradable de lo que se conoce como hediondos. Stinkers son correos electrónicos que tienen el propósito de infligir humillación.

Dada la importancia de la comunicación por correo electrónico en estos días, puede que te encuentres seducir por el encanto oscuro de cosas malolientes. Si lo hace, aquí están los primeros pasos en dominar el arte de la elaboración de un apestoso. El truco es desarrollar una actitud más santo que tú y asumir una posición moral. Por ejemplo, Supongamos que usted está molesto con un equipo por su trabajo de mala calidad, y quiere poner de relieve el hecho de que se les (y para unas pocas personas clave en la organización, por supuesto). Un principiante puede tener la tentación de escribir algo como, “Usted y su equipo no sabe cuclillas.” Resista la tentación, y mantener ese email novato. Mucho más satisfactoria es componer como, “Estaré encantado de sentarse con usted y su equipo y compartir nuestra experiencia.” Esta composición astuto también muestra sutilmente fuera de su conocimiento superior.

Los correos electrónicos pueden ser aún más sutil. Por ejemplo, puedes dulcemente consejo a su jefe en cuanto algún tema como, “No tiene sentido apresurarse en donde los ángeles temen pisar,” y tienen el placer secreto que se las arregló para llamarlo un tonto a la cara!

Hediondos Contador son doblemente dulce. Si bien la participación en un duelo de correo electrónico, su mejor esperanza es descubrir una inexactitud fáctica en el apestoso. Aunque usted está moralmente obligado a responder a un apestoso, silencio también puede ser una respuesta eficaz. Envía una señal de que usted sea encontrado el apestoso demasiado poco importante para responder a, o, peor, has borrado accidentalmente sin leerla.

Tenga cuidado con las trampas cosa maloliente. Usted puede recibir un correo electrónico invitándole a trabajar en un problema con una oferta generosa para ayudar a. Digamos que usted toma el cebo y solicitud de ayuda. El siguiente correo electrónico (copiado en prácticamente todo el mundo en la tierra) puede leer algo como, “Si la molestia de leer el mensaje anterior,” (refiriéndose a un correo electrónico enviado hace diez días para 17 otros y dos grupos de correo electrónico) “sabrías que…” Tenga en cuenta lo fácil que es dar a entender que usted no sabe lo que se supone que, y que usted está en el hábito de ignorar los mensajes importantes.

No tenemos ninguna defensa segura contra trampas stinker aparte de saber que el remitente. Si el remitente es conocido por su disposición-stinker feliz, tratar a todos sus dulces acercamientos con sospecha. Es poco probable que él ha tenido un cambio de corazón y decidió tratarlo civilmente. Mucho más probable es que usted está creando algo que va a disfrutar bastante más de lo que!

Al final del día, no se preocupe demasiado acerca de cosas malolientes si usted se encuentra en el extremo receptor. Mantenga una sonrisa en su cara y reconocer las cosas malolientes por lo que son — viajes del ego.

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Geeks

I have been doing a bit of geeky stuff lately — writing WordPress plugins. Okay, it is because I’m suffering from a terrible writer’s block.

You see, I’m supposed to be working on my next book. I foolishly promised a couple of chapters of The Principles of Quantitative Development to my commissioning editor at John Wiley & Sons within a month; now I find myself writing everything other than those darned chapters! Including plugins. Coming to think of it, writing those chapters wouldn’t be any less geeky, would it?

That made me wonder… We all started off as geeks, didn’t we? No use denying it. Remember how our teachers loved us, and the sexy cheerleaders, well, didn’t? Later in life, due to exigencies of circumstances, we may have tried to lose our techie halo and simulate a managerial posture. But, in our moments of panic, we go back to our geek roots. At least, I do.

You think you don’t? Well, check out these geek jokes. If you find them funny, chances are your roots are not too different from mine.

Heisenberg was driving down the highway when he was pulled over for speeding. The officer says, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I do know where I am!”

Two Hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron!” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

Geek Pickup Lines:

  • Tell me of this thing you humans call [dramatic pause] love.
  • If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
  • They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.
  • Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
  • What’s a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villainy like this?
  • You must be Windows 95 because you got me so unstable.
  • My ‘up-time’ is better than BSD.
  • I can tell by your emoticons that you’re looking for some company.
  • Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
  • Want to see my Red Hat?
  • If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
  • You had me at “Hello World.”
  • Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
  • You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
  • By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
  • Jedi Mind Trick: “This is the geek you’re looking for.” [Waves hand]
  • You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
  • Have you ever Googled yourself?
  • How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
  • With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
  • What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this when there’s a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
  • I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z are represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

then H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

and B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

but look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.